Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
