We're facebook friends in real life
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think my vagina is haunted
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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