hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
