i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
