i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
