she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
