I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
