All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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