I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
