Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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