Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
