I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
