now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
