he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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