I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
