I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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