Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
