so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
