Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
