when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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