Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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