I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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