Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
