There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
