Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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