I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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