Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
