just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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