May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
