Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
