Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
