ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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