Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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