Can i not drive my cunt home
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
