Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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