I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize