I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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