remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just high enough for therapy.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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