if you like me you must not know who I am
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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