At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
