Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
This house was built for laser tag.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
