ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
