Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
