why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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