erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
