hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
