hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
