xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
