you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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