i just google imaged poop.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
