Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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