I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
