he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
