I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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