I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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