We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
