I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
