WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
