i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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