true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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