You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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