I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
