Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
