I molested 6 butterflies tonight
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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