We're like a lot better than the average bears
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
