i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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