i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So much rum. So many feels.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
