so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
