Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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