i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
